Let’s talk about self-care.

Something I am thinking about in January 2023 is self-care. What does it actually mean? What does it look like for me or for you? How can I cultivate realistic routines where I look after myself with the same kind of care and attention that I give to others?

Being a mum, an employee, a carer, a partner, a friend, a colleague, a high achiever all came first, I was always way down the list and everything was pouring out of me, until I became an empty shell. I used to speak to myself in the most unkind way, feeling like I was never doing enough, never giving enough, not good enough. I never checked in with myself with kindness. I pushed away any thoughts of self-care, my life had become a cycle of self sabotage. I allowed others to abuse me by taking more and more and I was not refuelling. I allowed that to happen. I felt resentful, not in control of life. On the surface everything was great, I was achieving a lot in my career but I was becoming more and more anxious, physically and mentally unwell. Then peri-menopause hit and I was under a lot of pressure in various areas of my life and I completely broke.

This was the beginning of a complete re-evaluation of my life. I know my story resonates with other women, especially people my age who have moved through their 20’s and 30’s and had children and found themselves in a loop where they don’t recognise who they are anymore. Numb. I became numb, life held no joy, everything became completely overwhelming. The irony is that by giving everything out for so long, I was rendered incapable of giving to anyone. I shut down.

Sometimes it takes a big incident in life to make positive change. This was mine. by sharing this I hope it helps in some way. There is a lot of guilt and shame associated with burnout and it is so common. I want to share my story which was my own path, and now my business is there to encourage and hold a space for others to integrate self care into their lives. I am also on a quest to work with business leaders to address potential burnout for women in the workplace by integrating regular wellbeing practices into the working week.

I did a lot of work on myself, looking at how I talk to myself, regularly noting how I was feeling, noticing how I was reacting to life, what words I was choosing to use, exploring what was important in my life now, reconnecting with nature, doing yoga every day. I completely stopped after running at 100mph for over two decades. I was in my mid forties and started to explore who I really am and what I want in my life. This was a two year process of hard work and is ongoing. The methods I learnt, the explorations I made I now wish to share with others because I feel like a totally different person now.

The process of using creativity and slow processes- writing, collecting visuals, letterpress printing, foraging, cooking, preserving, walking my dog, yoga, breathwork, stretching, tuning into myself and my feelings and my body is mindfulness. It is not just a word, it was a journey that brought me so much joy, feeding me, making me feel strong and grounded: in control, back to me. Small things, being present with myself and those I care about these became my priority. I started to collect images and words and created visual mood boards (my container) of my values, what is important to me, what I need in my life (see a section of this expansive miro board above). My priorities shifted, I no longer reacted like I used to. I now feel balanced, calm, full of confidence and self worth. Everyone around me started to see a complete transformation. I started setting boundaries for myself and making small regular steps. It is hard work and continues but I re programmed my default actions and thoughts over a period of time.

Listening to Yely Staley on the Yoga Medicine podcast this week I heard my story, which is a common story for so many others. Yely and Rachael Land explore definitions of self care ‘beyond the trope of massage and bubble baths’. I recommend you listen, if you too find it hard to integrate daily self care into your life.

They explore why we find it hard to put boundaries in place and how important they are for our health and wellbeing. How self care is about regular daily checking in with ourselves and striving to be our authentic selves. It is about self love and respect. It is something that needs to come from you, for you. Back to You, Breathe Then Reach.

So to all those women out there who are juggling a million things, thinking “How do I fit yoga in?” or “I don’t have time to care for myself because everyone else needs me” “ I don’t deserve to…” I say to you that you totally deserve to prioritise yourself, whether it is a simple walk on your own noticing the environment around you, 10 minutes of sitting and noticing how you are feeling, sitting and concentrating on you body and breathing, or learning how to say no to things that don’t serve you, or spending two minutes thinking of all the things you are grateful for.

You can do this, you deserve this. My aim is to hold a space for a community of warrior women like you, so you can get Back to You and Breathe Then Reach. Come and join me and many other women prioritising time for themselves.